I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
