Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize