We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize