that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
