So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
