Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
