Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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