i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
