I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
