wrigley field is MILF paradise
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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