I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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