Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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