i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize