I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
