Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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