I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
