i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize