I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
