did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
