if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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