I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
