pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
