WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
