Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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