I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
