i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
