Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
