I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
