I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
