my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
the day after is always just damage control
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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