How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
