Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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