Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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