I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
