Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
