If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
