so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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