Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
thus making me awesome and them whores
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
