That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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