At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I think my fart just growled at me.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
