If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
