Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
