Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
