wanna go halves on a baby?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
