Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
