I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
