Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
