she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
