Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We are all done wearing pants today
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
