Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
