I love black thongs
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
high people should be assigned attendants
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
