If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize