she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Never joke about your clitoris.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
