It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
