He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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