we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
