I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
