i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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