White coat. Heels.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
MIDGETS
????
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
