my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
