I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
