i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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