I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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