Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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