i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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