So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Be still, my beating vagina.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
